By Kieron McFadden

MP exposed not doinganything wrong, shock.

The entire British nation was said to be in a state of shock thismorning in the wake of last night's leaked report from the police investigationinto the affairs of MPs, which revealed that an MP may be honest.

A "close friend" of the Metropolitan Police told this reporterthey are treating very seriously evidence that suggests a British MP may havecolluded in a plot to destabilize the Parliamentary system by not fiddling hisexpenses. More staggering yet it would seem the investigation, delving furtherinto the suspect MP's affairs, has opened up a much larger can of worms thananyone expected in that the MP may in fact not have done anything wrong at all.

A spokesman said, "If true, these allegations present a sad day for theparliamentary system to which by long custom the British people havebecome.....er, accustomed. Everything we thought we knew about the Parliament,our belief in the shortcomings upon which we had come to rely, may have beenrocked to their foundations. We may never recover from this body blow."

This reporter has come into possession of a photocopy of the leaked report.In the best traditions of condemning someone on scant evidence, I feeljustified in naming and shaming the MP concerned. Jon Honestman, MP forSnoutintrough Junction not only failed to fiddle his expenses but also kept acloset completely bereft of skeletons, while at the same time conspiring toconfuse the voters who elected him to office by deliberately keeping his wordregarding the promises he made at the last election.

"We have reason the believe," said an insider, "That MrHonestman also failed to keep a second home in London and examination ofreceipts proves that while in London to attend parliamentary sessions, hestayed many nights in a cheap Bed and Breakfast in Croydon where he "sleptalone" and enjoyed a "cheap but cheerful fry-up" for breakfast,whereupon on no less than thirty out of fifty occasions he neglected to presentreceipts so as to reclaim the expenses of his "sojourn" in thesuburbs. When quizzed about what he did with his evenings while alone in London and many milesaway from his wife, he admitted to writing letters to his constituents so as to"answer queries" and "attend to their concerns."

These revelations have proven harrowing even for the hardened officersinvestigating the affair. Of the twenty man team detailed to dig deeper into"this farrago of wanton honesty" surrounding Mr Honestman's affairs,eight have gone on extended sick leave due to "stress."

One, who did not wish to be named for reasons of complete embarrassment,said "In the end I just could not take any more. After hundreds of hoursworking on the case and turning up more and more evidence of nothing going on,the ugliness got too much even for me and I just lost it. I am now takingtranquillisers and receiving counselling."

The leader of Mt Honestman's party, Ted Devious, MP for Conniving inWiltshire, told this reporter, "I think it is crucial at this stage thatwe all take a step back from the traditional conclusion jumping and let blindjustice lead the blind out of the frying pan. But if the MP concerned didn't dowhat we all suspect he didn't do, then something will have to be done. My partytakes a dim view of this kind of thing and if anyone has been looking the otherway then it's time to look in another direction all together."

As this news reaches the public the expected outrage has been forthcoming.One ashen-faced resident of Mr Honestman's Snoutintrough constituency stormed,"I can't help but feel a coming forth of the expected outrage."

Another said, "I feel shaken and saddened by what has come to light. Ithink a lot of voters will share my feelings. Just when you think you know yourDemocracy pretty well, some clown comes along and throws you a complete curve.What are we supposed to think after this? How can we trust that whatever we aretold is a lie from this point on?"

In Mr Honestman's local pub, the Perk and Backhander, the sense of sadnessand disappointment over his antics was palpable. A regular said, "We allthought we knew where we stood. We all thought we knew what to expect from ourMP. While you never really know what they stand for or what their policies are,who cares? You at least have a shrewd idea of how much they are going to costyou. But now we don't know what to think or whom to curse anymore. We're allworried we may have to get our heads around political arguments and economicsand stuff."

Another concurred, " I feel real let down and to think I voted for thischaracter. I sincerely thought he was scum and I feel misled and more than alittle betrayed. What would happen if all MPs behaved like that? Who would beleft that the British people could feel superior to?"